Answered Prayer

So I need to give God some props. Night before last as I was going to bed I prayed that He would show me if we were at the church He wanted us to be at. I questioned it only because John hasnt felt a real connection where we are. So anyway, I got up today and needed to go get my dad and step-daughter birthday cards. So after I dropped lunch off to John at work I stopped at Hallmark. Anyhoo, when I went to pay she asked for my Gold Crown Rewards card and as I gave it to her I asked her how to change my address for it, since I was still getting coupons sent to our old address. She gave me a card to fill out and then put it in her computer system there. She asked where we came from and what brought us there. I told her and thanked her and went to leave. As I was leaving there was a display of Jelly Bellys(YUM), a bag of Dr. Pepper jelly bellys caught my eye. They are Olivias favorite so I bought her a bag for part of her birthday gift(yes Christmas just got over and already we have 5 b-days in our family w/in one month,UGH,I mean yay for their birth, and boo for our wallets) When I went back to the register the lady happened to ask me if we were looking for a church and invited me to hers which her dad just retired from being the pastor(he happened to be there and I met him) and they have recently hired a new one. I told her where we have been attending but that we were still trying to see where we fit. She gave me a card with her church info I thanked her and left. As I walked out the door I smiled and started to cry, I was amazed at how quickly God had answered my prayer. I dont know if it will be the place for us, but u never know what He has for us. I just thought it was pretty awesome what He did.

Me

We are back home from our trip to Indiana. It's weird to say home when not referring to Indiana. It's also weird that when we were visiting family I really didnt feel like it was home anymore and I actually missed being here in Georgia. I'm surprised that there isnt anything I really miss about it. John on the other hand would go running back in a flash if he could. I'm happy and content to be "on my own". For so long I have relied on everyone around me to help me accomplish things, to decide what to do, and even what to think. I feel like I'm growing up, for once I can't run to anyone to have them save me, for once I have to FIRST turn to the One I should have turned to long ago. I don't really know anyone here and at times I feel completely secluded and in some strange way I like it. At other times I wish there was someone to call to go walking with or to run to the store with. I guess this is my time to figure out who it is that I am, for a long time I lived to make everyone else happy (something I took on as a 9 year old after I lost my sister). Maybe its time to figure out what makes me happy.

Trip

It is 60 degrees here this morning! Yay! And for the next few days it is supposed to get up to 68. How I ever survived the winters in NE Indiana is beyond me. In 5 days we will be packing up the van with Christmas gifts, luggage, a cat and a brand new puppy, a husband that hates riding in a car and two kids that I pray get along with one another for the 12 hour trip.(Supposed to be a 10.5 hour trip but w/ restroom breaks and lunch takes an extra 1.5 hours). Please pray for my sanity! And also pray for safe driving weather, right now they are calling for a 1/2 inch of snow in Tennessee, Kentucky and southern Indiana! UGH! We will be staying with my parents for 2 weeks. I pray my father and I get along(we are so much alike we tend to disagree ALOT) Although our relationship has gotten stronger since we moved(Thank you God). So I'm writing my list so I hopefully wont forget anything, but I'm sure I will. Let the adventure begin!

purpose

I was so excited after leaving church on Wed. night, a verse that was given spoke right to me. It's like God said,"Ok Jess here u go." I have continued to play games in my mind questioning Him about why we had to move. I know it is His will, but being the human I am I continue to question. In Acts 17:26-27 it says,"From one man he made every nation of men,that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us." That blew me away! God chose when I would be alive and where I would live, I have a purpose in His plans for this world right now where I stand(or Blog rather). He chose me to live in Indiana for 29 years of my life, and He chose for me to pack up and leave it all behind because in Him there is purpose. God is in control of all creation yet He is next to me. Why am I not constantly on my knees seeking His direction? Its like I get so used to Him and who I think He is that I lose sight of why Hes there. As hard as this journey of life is and all the unhappy things that happen there is purpose and there is meaning He constantly has something to teach me. So here I am and He is next to me, am I reaching out to Him? Am I making the most of being here?

Grief

It has been awhile since I have posted anything one reason is that I couldnt figure out why I have been so bummed out lately. Recently my mom was talking about grieving and all the stages we go through. Not only do we grieve when someone we care about passes away, but we can also grieve a loss or change of job and in my case we can grieve a move. Everything in my life has changed with this move. Driving my girls to school then stopping at my moms for morning coffee, I no longer work, I no longer can call someone to say lets run to town, I dont have a youth group to plan lessons for, My cousins boys dont come over to play. Everything that I once knew as my life has drastically changed. I think it is just now really hitting me. I do love it here. I love it being the four of us, although my husband and I can no longer go out alone on a date. Until you pack up and move from all that you know it is hard to understand. I never imagined the emotions I would go through all because we moved. I believe God is behind this change 100% so that helps me to cope with all the changes taking place but it is still a struggle. We dont like change we like whats comfortable, but how can I grow in comfortable. I pray God will relieve me of this grief so that I may grow and learn what He has for me here.

Renewal

A few months ago my husband John was offered a better position within his company. Very exciting for him, a chance to move up after 11 years of hard work. Very scary for all of us. This meant we would have to pack up and move 700 miles from everybody and everything we knew. But I had a strange peace about the whole thing. I knew this is what God wanted us to do. As you may know you can't argue with God. Well I guess you can and at some point we all do, but we sure don't get very far doing it. Anyway long story short we are now in Georgia where I don't know anyone. I believe Christ is trying to teach me to completely and totally depend on Him. If you knew me you would know that I have an approval addiction, always have. I have always yearned for someone to say good job or you are good enough. Thank God for my mom, she is my number 1 supporter. She has always accepted me, rebellion and all. To be here with only my children and my husband has been a hard transition. Who do I have to run to when my husband speaks before thinking it through, where do I have to run when my girls,(who are a giant ball of energy)have driven me to the brink of insanity? I can call my mom(which I do on a daily basis)and she listens and helps me to become level headed once again. But being on a phone line that stretches 700 miles is not the same as having that accepting embrace. Don't get me wrong I love and adore my husband and our children, but at times life is a struggle. I believe God has brought me here in my solitude so that I may learn to turn to Him first. So this is a place for me to give an account of the journey, I pray this may be a place for each of us to journey together. At times God will be the only one we can share with and other times we can share with each other. I'm excited to be on this journey because I have no idea what awesome things God has for us! So this is the beginning of my Renewal......